TEAM Teaching

I guess it has been a while since I did a self-assigned blog. Things have been mildly crazy with that whole learning how to teach thing and dealing with a whole slew of other things happening around me that are all out of my control.

For some reason it surprises me that I still get nervous every time I teach (it just reminds me that Andy Mullins was saying he was supernervous his entire first year--something that terrifies me a little). It scares me that I can't always communicate clearly with my classes. It terrifies me every time I pace the room and potentially distract my students.

TEAM teaching strikes me as mildly ridiculous. Five different teachers all watching me teach to people who already have college diplomas and giving me sometimes contradictory advice. Some teachers think I walk around too much. Others think I don't walk around enough. I don't really care at the end of the day if I always hit all four parts of my set and closure. I don't always care if my transitions are smooth. I don't always care that my assessment is clearly written down in my lesson plan.

I know it matters but right now a lot of things matter more. It matters more that this guy who has never given out a warning (downside of having six amazing summer school students) is somehow going to be able to lay down the law the moment the students walk through my door on August 7. It matters more that I have good content. It matters more that I know what to do when it hits the fan. It matters more that I remain upbeat and positive under pressure.

The whole evaluation thing makes me needlessly tense and often dramatically less confident in my teaching ability. I have all these problems (nervous walking/pacing, talking too fast at times, and my apparent inability to finish a sentence) and I am asked to solve these issues in 40-minute increments in front of people that often don't want to be there. It leads up to me standing in front of the class making myself more nervous, focusing on my problems instead of my content (or the many good things about my teaching style), and typically exacerbating the original problem instead of fixing it.

I don't know if I can be a good teacher until I actually do it. Until I actually am in a room with just my students. I will have to teach a class with no second years in the back, none of my peers in the midst, and nobody there watching my every move and evaluating me.

I know enough now where I can sink or swim. I just want to get the chance to do it. I will probably do a lot more of the former before I can do the latter. I think I can live with that.