Expectations

If the last two weeks has been an indicator, change is perhaps the only constant in my life. Two weeks ago I turned in my last college paper. That kicked off a period of time in which I would fly home to South Carolina, buy a new car in a 72-hour window, fly back to Amherst, graduate from Amherst, fly back home to South Carolina four hours later, and then make the drive to Mississippi.

Teaching high school in Mississippi is clearly not the easy path. I knew that when I chose to come here in February. I had the admission to Vanderbilt Law School in my hand. I could have accepted it, chilled out during the summer, coasted through law school, and then made a ridiculous amount of money. Yet it didn't feel right. I felt like I was doing a disservice to myself and the world. A lot of thinking and praying was done. A lot of people were consulted.

The decision I made is obviously clear. I deferred the offer from Vandy for two years (and maybe several more depending on how this turns out) and decided to take the chance.

Now that I am fairly settled down I have to once again ask myself a huge question. What do I expect from the MTC and teaching in particular? This question has been swirling around in my head and I still can't settle on an answer. I should just list the big ones.

1) I expect it to be hard work
2) I expect to cry at least once
3) I expect to overexert myself trying to move mountains
4) I expect to fall short of perfection
5) I expect to move my class forward academically
6) I expect to do at least a reasonable job
7) I expect the first few weeks to be disasterous

At no point did I really expect a walk in the roses (or maybe the Magnolia). I have read too many blogs and heard to many horrific teaching stories for that to be the case. It is a minor miracle that nobody has scared me out of teaching. Because for all the bad things I have heard I also have heard a lot of amazing things: the kid who finally got something, a class that made some academic strides, or maybe a teacher who learned something about himself.

It is clear that I am not a natural teacher. I am prone to being nervous and awkward moments while in front of people for the very first time. There are so many reasons I could fail. But there is one reason I plan to succeed: I willing to do whatever it takes to be a successful teacher. In my case, that will be a ton of work. That's OK. Work builds character. I have a ton of it.

I think it is pretty clear that they need me here. My biggest hope and fear is that I will fall in love with this place and need them even more.